Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.
-MICHAEL GUNGO
On the road to burnout, you lose yourself.
You lose your joy, your memory, clarity and ability to focus. You can lose your temper, your laughter, your quality of sleep and your sex life as well.
So what do we do when we lose something?
We go looking for it.
And that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Go look for yourself.
Where are you? What do you want? Where are you going?
Burnout is the result of a “mismatch” between the weight of our burdens and our capacity as human beings.
Everyone has their own unique burnout history, but some things are also the same. What I have observed is that people who are at risk of becoming or have been burned out have one thing in common:
The ability to ignore the signs that your body and mind is trying to give you.
We who become burned out are really good at that!
It’s our superpower!
To constantly and over time, ignore our own needs so thoroughly that we eventually become sick from it.
Burnout is a complex condition and is never caused by only one thing, but in essence, this is what’s happening.
We fail to set the boundaries we need, and that makes us sick.
Why we have this quality we can spend the rest of our lives pondering… but that is psychology and outside my scope of practice as a health coach. I’m pretty sure it might be helpful to see a psychologist to find out why you are so good at ignoring your own needs, and how you became so good at it…
However, what is most interesting to me as a health coach is to find out what we can do about it?
- What new thoughts must you think?
- What measures, steps and actions must you take to avoid burning out?
- Or if you are already burnt out, how can you recover faster?
If you are or are in danger of being burnt out, then it’s incredibly important to start by putting in place the foundations for good health, with a special focus on the following no. 2 and 3:
- Diet
- Sleep
- Stress management
- Physical activity.
It’s time for you to declutter your life. You will also need a good dose of self-care and patience as you go down this path.
In her work, psychologist Jacinta Jimenez describes the 3 basic principles for avoiding burnout, the 3 R’s:
1. Recognize:
To be able to start doing anything about your situation, you have to understand what is happening. It is a myth that burnout is easy to detect. That is simply not true! It sneaks up on you over time and has no on/off switch. Knowledge and awareness are needed to catch the early signs of burnout.
Research has shown that burnout mainly manifests itself in 3 different ways:
- Exhaustion: Intense emotional physical and/or cognitive fatigue.
- Cynicism: Low levels of (job) commitment, and a general lack of energy to care about others (friends/family).
- Inefficiency: Declining productivity, you have to work harder to perform on the same level as before, and you have a constant feeling of not being/doing enough both at work or at home.
To recognize if this is happening to you, you have to be aware. You need to stop and pay attention. How are you really?
You’re not sure? Take the burnout test to get an indication of how you are doing.
2. Respond:
A burnout is always caused by many things. At work, it can be the work environment, the relationship you have with your boss and/or other influences you have no control over. In private, it can be a toxic marriage, financial problems or health problems.
Burnout is complex, and it is the result of an imbalance between the stresses we are exposed to and our capacity as human beings to handle them.
Being that honest with yourself is not always easy. To stop and feel, and be willing to dig deep enough to find out exactly what’s going on.
In order for us to be able to respond with appropriate measures, we need to do some research on ourselves. Dig deep and find out the reasons why we have ended up in a state of such imbalance and hopelessness. Being that honest with yourself is not always easy. To stop and feel, and be willing to dig deep enough to find out exactly what’s going on.
This is the only way to move forward. Avoidance (drinking, social media, Netflix etc), will only make the situation even worse.
You need to be willing to face the pain. And more importantly, have the courage to make changes.
My own burnout began to turn after I finally had a conversation with my father. I had to tell him that I honestly hated being an engineer. That I would not take over the family business and continue his legacy. It was so painful to say this to my dad, because I love him so dearly, and I hate letting him down. I just could not bear the thought of disappointing him so terribly.
But that was what I needed to do. My sweet dad… turns out he just wanted me to be happy. The reality I had created existed only in my own head.
You need to figure out what conversations you need to have. What changes are yours to make?
3. Replenish
When you know what’s going on, and have been really honest with yourself, it’s time to repair. Replenishing is not a one day job. It is an ongoing process, a daily practice.
- What replenishes you?
- What do you like to do?
- What calms you down?
- Where do you find meaning?
Establish a daily practice with something that fills you up, as opposed to the things that drain you.
I had to be on sick leave for a long time. I wrote in my journal every day, did yoga and meditated. I slept 8 hours every night and ate nourishing and low inflammatory foods. Then I had to take myself seriously. I started a new education and said out loud to everyone I loved what I honestly was thinking and feeling inside of me. How scary and liberating at the same time!
Here are some questions for you:
- What did you enjoy doing before, that you no longer do (hobbies, sport, dancing, cooking?)
- What do you want to learn?
- Who do you want to spend time with? Is there anyone you miss in your life? Someone you have lost contact with and want to reconnect with?
- Who do you want to stop spending time with? Who drains you of energy?
- Do you have to get a new job?
- Do you have to start studying again?
- What gives you energy?
- When do you feel engagement and joy? How can you get more of it?
- Who else in your life will benefit from you getting better?
We get burned out when we ignore our own needs and fail to set healthy boundaries. When we forget who we are and what we need to feel good.
If you want to stay healthy, you have to make some space for yourself in your own life. There must be something there for you too.
I know you’ve heard this before, but before every flight, the flight attendant goes through the security procedures. They say: In the event of lack of oxygen in the cabin, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. FIRST, attach the oxygen mask to yourself, before helping others.